butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
