Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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