I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
