She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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