I wish I could punch you in the face.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
my liver is dry heaving
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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