How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
