I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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