question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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