i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When did angry sex become our thing?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
