Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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