dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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