New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
