my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
