so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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