Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
