I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
