You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
