We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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