how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
