I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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