He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
