Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
