Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
