There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
