I can text with my tongue
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
