The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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