Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So much rum. So many feels.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
