marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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