This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Two words: blizzard sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
