do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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