THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
