So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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