return my video game
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
