Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
