She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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