thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
