So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
