My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
