Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
