If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
