I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
