Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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