I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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