I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
