forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
