I think I died a long time ago.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
