glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
