it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to calm my uterus...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
