and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
