we're blogging at a bar
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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