I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
