Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
