Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
