saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
