I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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