he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
