I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
