due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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