Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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