After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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