My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
