chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
