we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
