you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
