I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
