They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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