My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
