apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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