is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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