Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
