I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
