Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
