By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
